Stranger Things has always been a remarkably safe place for main characters. But with the show coming to an end it suddenly seems more possible than ever some important people might not make it out of the series alive. I’m fine with that. I’m actually fine if Vecna wins and kills everybody in Hawkins. At least I am so long as he spares one single character. I hope, for a very fitting reason, the only person who survives Stranger Things 5 is Mike and Nancy’s perpetually exhausted, almost entirely useless father, Ted Wheeler.
The patriarch of the Wheeler household has been there from the very first episode of Stranger Things. Yet, despite being a recurring character throughout the show’s entire run, he has never done anything helpful. He’s never saved someone from becoming Demogorgon fodder. He hasn’t stopped or even slightly impeded an unethical government official from mistreating a child. And he has never even noticed his kids were missing.
He’s a lazy, unengaged, wholly disinterested dork who spends most of his free time either sleeping or watching TV. Even when he’s awake, he leaves almost all of the parenting labor—both physical and emotional—to his beautiful, way-out-of-his-league wife. Seriously, this frumpy IBM computer come to life, the one who looks 20 years older than he actually is, doesn’t notice, let alone appreciate, he’s the luckiest man alive. He’s married to a wonderful, caring woman who looks exactly like Cara Buono.
For that reason alone he’s a disgrace. Throw in his many failings as a father and he’s a total putz. Not that he realizes any of his shortcomings. It’s not that he doesn’t love his wife and kids, it’s that he has no interest in showing them he does with even simple actions. The most loving thing we’ve ever seen him do is nap with his youngest child, Holly. Otherwise Ted Wheeler believes his obligations as a dad and spouse begin and end with bringing home a paycheck. That and condescendingly dismissing his kids’ interests and concerns. Even during the handful of moments he was forced to realized his children might actually be in danger—including even when the whole town believed they were Satan-loving killers!—Ted’s emotional investment barely rises above “annoyed.” He’s forever irritated by having to deal with literally anything.
He’s the worst, a spot-on parody from an era that it said housework and parenting were solely a mom’s responsibilities. Ted’s total commitment to not caring is also why he’s been consistently hilarious. His absurd level of detachment, seemingly impossible levels of laziness, and constant exasperation at both minor inconveniences and existential danger has turned him into one of Stranger Things’ best running bits. He’s a bespectacled, napping clown.
I love him. And yet, his role on the show (and Joe Chrest’s pitch-perfect performance) is not why I hope Ted’s the only one to survive Hawkins finally showdown with the Upside Down. It’s much, much dumber than that. It’s also much more fitting. I want him to survive because I want to know if Ted Wheeler would even notice everyone else died. I want to see if Mike, Nancy, and Holly’s dad would realize Vecna took his kids. Please let me see if Karen’s sleepy husband would notice her absence. We deserve to see if Ted would refuse to look up from his newspaper when interdimensional monsters showed up.
More than that, I want to see how long that would take and what would ultimately break through to him. Would Ted notice something amiss the first time dinner didn’t make it to his dining table? (We know he won’t notice a table covered in vines.) Or would it be when he went to the office and no one made a pot of coffee? (Something he definitely can’t do on his own.) I want to know what it would it take for Ted Wheeler to realize it wasn’t just cloudy. When would he register that distant lightning was an unnatural red? (Never, right?)
Ted Wheeler is the best because he’s the worst. Of every character to appear in the show’s first episode, he is the one least deserving of being Hawkins last citizen standing. Which is exactly why I hope he is.
Mikey Walsh is a staff writer at Nerdist. As a dad he’s nothing like Ted Wheeler. You can follow him on Bluesky at @burgermike. And also anywhere someone is ranking the Targaryen kings.
The post I Hope Ted Wheeler Is the Only Character to Survive STRANGER THINGS 5 appeared first on Nerdist.
This articles is written by : Nermeen Nabil Khear Abdelmalak
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