Welcome to The Out-of-Touch Adult’s Guide to Kid Culture, where you have joined my new religious group, just by reading these words. This week, we’re taking a look at an online cult that got a little too real, asking why young people are branding themselves with liquid nitrogen, and discussing the generational stare-down being enacted across the counters of retail establishments all over the country. Plus a truly viral video about the dangers of jumbotrons.
Is Children of the Waning Star an online cult?
If your child says they’ve joined a cult called “Children of the Waning Star,” it’s not as bad as it seems. The online group began on July 11, when TikToker Gigi Jarvis announced she was starting a cult, “and you’re all going to be a part of it.” It was obviously a joke, but the video took off on the platform, earning millions of views, and before long, the cult began picking up steam. Jarvis and her followers chose the name “Children of the Waning Star,” picked some special cult symbols, and declared new holidays. Jarvis even added “cult leader” to her resume. But then the blowback started.
Many commenters informed Jarvis that cults are not something you should joke about. Others, like this “pagan witch,” posted videos about how the Waning Star was “spiraling out of control” or becoming a real cult. So Jarvis, less than a week after she started her group, announced she was shutting down the project. A week from cult to apology might be the world record.
I understand why stopped, but I think it’s a shame. Jarvis clearly wasn’t trying to be a cult leader for real, and Children of the Waning Star isn’t the first (or the 10,000th) parody religion ever created. There’s the Church of the Subgenius, the Pastafarians, The Discordian Society, and many more. None of these “spiraled out of control” or become “real” cults, even though they’ve been around for decades. Instead, they serve a real purpose by giving people a way to think and talk about unusual belief systems, and maybe provide tools to recognize the methods of actual authoritarian groups so they can be avoided. Also: I really liked that Waning Star chose everything democratically. It would have been interesting to see the TikTok collective define and codify its spiritual beliefs.
What is “freeze branding”?
Freeze branding, or cryo branding, is a method of using cryogenic materials, usually liquid nitrogen, to mark livestock. It’s thought to be less painful and damaging than branding with heat. It was first practiced in 1960s, and it took all the way until 2021 for a case of human freeze branding to be recorded in medical literature. The procedure has been gaining enough traction among body modification fans online lately for doctors to issue stern warnings against the practice. Although it doesn’t seem that widespread. Yet.
“You are not a horse,” dermatologist Dr. Andrea Suarez (known online as Dr. Dray) reminds us in this TikTok video, “This can result in a full thickness burn that puts you at risk for a deep infection called cellulitis.”
Dr. Dray sure is a downer, but I assume she’s right, and that no one should ever brand themself with liquid nitrogen because it’s super, super bad—but I get why people want to. The effect on cattle is cool: Freeze branding (animals) destroys pigmentation in hair follicles, resulting in white hair and/or white skin in the shape of the brand. There isn’t much serious discussion online about how/if it’s possible to cold brand people safely, but this video from another online doctor reveals that doctors use liquid nitrogen regularly, so it seems possible to cold brand people without disastrous consequences.
What is the “Gen-Z Stare?”
The term “Gen Z stare” is popping up all over social media and non–social media this week. It refers to the blank expression that is supposedly common among people between the ages of 13 and 28 years old, noticed especially often among retail workers. Gen Z, it is said, responds to boiler-plate greetings and small talk with an inscrutable stare instead of a smile or nod.
While it’s not a new term—this video explaining the phenomena is nearly a year old— it has gone very viral lately. Is this a real shift in cultural behavior, or a trendy age-based online carping campaign? It’s hard to say when it comes to something as amorphous as people online reporting, “the barista looks at me funny when I order Starbucks,” but it feels more like the “older generation” (Millennial) overblowing a small trait of Gen Z.
It reminds me of past generational moral panics, like Millennials killing casual dining (and 100 other things), vocal fry, Jenkem, rainbow parties, switchblades, and the “overly jaunty” rhythm of Bing Crosby’s “Deep in the Heart of Texas.” (To be fair, that shit is fucking jaunty.) Also: If low-wage workers stare blankly at older people, it might be because they deserve it.
I took a more in-depth look at the Gen Z stare here.
Viral video of the week: Affair caught on Coldplay jumbotron
It’s rare for the entire internet to collectively agree on something, but this week, everyone, from Baby Boomers to Gen A, shared the same reaction to a viral video: “I’m glad I’m not these people.” No one needs it explained, I guess, but you don’t get more viral than this one.
The video in question was shot at a recent Coldplay concert in Massachusetts. It begins innocently enough: The camera pans to a couple embracing tenderly, and the crowd cheers. But things go south quickly when the pair realize they’re on the Jumbotron and freak out. Their awkward attempts to duck and hide only draw attention to the drama. Coldplay frontman Chris Martin even narrates the moment: “Oh, look at these two,” he says from the stage, before pausing and adding, “Either they’re having an affair, or they’re just very shy.”
It was the first one, Chris.
The internet quickly identified the couple as Andy Byron, the CEO of tech company called Astronomer who is extremely married to someone who isn’t Astronomer’s “chief people officer” Kristin Cabot.In the following days, former employees came out to shit talk their old boss, Astronomer’s board launched an investigation, more than 15 million people read about the event online (that’s as much exposure as the Diddy trial had), and Byron’s wife took the family photos off Facebook.
As amusing as all this is, I can’t help but feel sympathy for those involved. Imagine that everyone you know—your friends, your family, your co-workers, your second grade teacher—has video proof that you attended a Coldplay concert.
This articles is written by : Nermeen Nabil Khear Abdelmalak
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