This month, TOMBSTONE announced a new limited-edition Halloween inspired food, candy corn pizza. The company called it, “The Pizza Nobody Asked For.” But while I didn’t ask for it, this pizza was for me. I like candy corn and I like pizza. Most importantly, I like eating strange foods and writing about them here at Nerdist. If anyone was going to enjoy this strange and spooky culinary concoction it was me.
At least that’s what I thought. Turns out “The Pizza Nobody Asked For” is really “The Pizza Nobody Should Eat,” because when I did, it was so gross, it made me sad.
Maybe I’m far too optimistic. Maybe I’m just very stupid. It’s probably both, but whatever the reason, I actually thought TOMBSTONE’s Candy Corn Pizza would be fun to try. Pineapple on a pizza isn’t my favorite, but I don’t mind it either. I figured a bite-sized sugary dessert on a pizza would create a similar flavor profile just a little on the sweeter side. At worst, I assumed it would be a normal amount of bad, best case legit good, so therefore it would probably be fine. Weird but fine and fun.
As my TOMBSTONE Pepperoni Candy Corn Pizza cooked—ten minutes at 400 degrees before adding the candy corn, then seven-ish more minutes— I felt pretty good about my chances. It smelled fantastic. It was like I had a pie cooking in the oven on Thanksgiving eve.
When I took it out it looked surprisingly appetizing, too. The glistening, semi-melted candy corn had expanded yet maintained it’s general shape and all of its color.
When I had put the three bags of candy TOMBSTONE had included in the kit it sent me I spread them out evenly like any pizza topping with the exception of one part. I wanted a single slice loaded with candy corn. You know, to get the full effect.
For a brief moment, I considered leaving a quarter of the pie alone in case I didn’t like the candy corn. That would ensure I’d still have a normal slice of pizza to eat for lunch as a backup plan. I really do enjoy a TOMBSTONE frozen pizza, so this would have been prudent. Unfortunately it felt like cheating, as though it wouldn’t be authentic to you, dear reader. Keeping one space free of candy corn felt like I would be shortchanging you so I put them everywhere.
This is why you and I are now fighting, because sweet baby Dracula, this was a Halloween disaster. Because while slightly stale candy corn is actually better, warmed up candy corn is an unholy nightmare. It tastes like someone condensed 80 pounds of sugar into the size of a gumball and then cooked it on Satan’s ass. It’s vile, basically inedible. And I don’t mean it’s bad with cheese, pizza, dough, sauce, and pepperoni. The TOMBSTONE pizza actually “helped” because it cut through the disgusting sweetness of the candy corn.
I ate one normal slice in the name of science before trying to get through my candy corn heavy piece. I did not finish it. It was honestly that bad. Not the worst thing I’ve ever eaten as a professional (this is), but among the worst. Ten minutes later, my mouth still felt like it was coated in sadness.
(I was cutting off the small sections without any candy corn for relief. I’ll never forgive you for not letting me save one normal piece for myself.)
TOMBSTONE was both right and wrong when it called this “The Pizza Nobody Asked For,” because nobody did, but that moniker is misleading. This is a pizza no one should ever eat.
I’m really sad that I did.
The post I Tried the TOMBSTONE Candy Corn Pizza and It Made Me Sad appeared first on Nerdist.
This articles is written by : Nermeen Nabil Khear Abdelmalak
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